Sick Leave Day 1
I had a whole spectrum of thoughts going through my head today. Lots of guilt for being off work when I actually felt much better, although obviously I only felt better due to the relief of not having to work. I wanted to rest, to let the spaghetti in my brain untangle, before starting to think about what I want to happen regarding my job. However, I was aware of how short two weeks is to make any potentially big decision, so I tried searching for careers advice online.
I found a skills assessment tool from the government’s National Careers Service. It said it would take five to ten minutes to complete, so I thought it would be pretty thorough, but it couldn’t have taken me more than two minutes. The result? Some sort of architect’s assistant role was its best match. For which I have no training. The next site was more promising, I found a downloadable workbook entitled How To Change Career. At a quick glance, it looked like it asked the right sort of questions to get me thinking, so I printed it out. I’ll work through it tomorrow, or make a start at least.
When I spoke to the doctor yesterday, she gave me a phone number, to see about arranging some counselling on the NHS. I called and was told there’s a six month wait. That’s exactly what I knew would happen. They suggested I go private (££, not really possible) or try calling Mind, the mental health charity as they can sometimes offer counselling. Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow.
I googled “social anxiety brought on by the pandemic” and read a few articles. Interesting, but nothing constructive on how to overcome it short of mindfulness and yoga. I have ADHD, I can’t do mindfulness. I’ve tried before and I give up far too quickly.
With my dad’s chocolate-based diet findings fresh in my mind, I had carrot sticks and guacamole for lunch, and salmon fishcakes with broccoli for dinner. For the first time in months, I felt that I had the energy to do my Dancercise class again. I’d joined the class in August last year and dropped out after my gran died in January. I thought I just needed a couple of weeks to get my mojo back but I realise now that it never came back. I used to love that class and look forward to it. Since stopping I’ve lost the fitness it had given me, and gained back all the weight I lost. I sent the instructor a message saying I’d be joining the class tonight. She was thrilled.
Willow went up to her room and phoned her friends while I did my dancing. Well, I say dancing, it was more shuffling about, trying to keep up, stopping for multiple drinks of water, changing my clothes halfway through as I was unbearably hot and I remembered I had some shorts. Thank goodness for Zoom, I was just in my sports bra and shorts by the end. There’s no way I’d survive an in-person class without being half naked. But I made it through the whole hour and I felt so good for it.
The instructor, Louise, stayed behind for a chat with me afterwards. We spent a good twenty minutes having a catch up and it was so nice to talk to a friendly face. When my gran died, she sent me a card and a huge box of chocolates. None of my friends sent a card. I barely knew Louise but she was the kindest person at that time. Maybe people don’t generally send cards any more, but my best friends knew how close I’ve always been to my gran. Anyway, in the past now.
So, I’ve eaten well and I’ve exercised. Both a bit of a surprise, given that I’m meant to be too ill to work. Who knows what I might achieve tomorrow! The house needs cleaning, that would be a good start.
Willow asked me today what’s happening on her birthday. It’s a Friday and her weekend to stay with her dad. She was disappointed and said she’d rather be at home. I felt a tiny bit smug about this, that she chose me over him, but I suggested he still comes down on the Friday as normal but just takes her out for dinner and brings her back afterwards, instead of taking her to his place. That way he still gets to spend time with her on her birthday. She seemed content with this as a solution, but I didn’t want her to rush into it so I said we’ll think about it again tomorrow. I want her to tell Glen, as he’ll only get nasty if it comes from me. He can’t be mad at her for the way she wants to spend her birthday. Maybe he can have her the weekend before as a swap.
There’s an adventure golf place she used to like before the pandemic, it will be open from Monday when the restrictions ease again. I asked if she’d like to go on the Saturday, and invite a friend or two. She said she’d like that, but just herself and me, no friends. I wondered why but didn’t question her. I’ll book it tomorrow if she’s still keen.